Is a fat girl always a fat girl, no matter what her size?

I have to confess...I'm a fraud...a complete and total fraud...


At least that's how I felt as I roamed the aisles of our local Old Navy store. Now, I have never been in ON. Why? Hello....! I'm a fat girl. Who thinks ON has fat girl clothes? And how in the heck did I get here anyway??

Well, I think I made my last trip to Catherine's. The smallest sized pants they have are a 16 and The Angel now looks like she is swimming in 16s (Yay me!) Do you know how long it's been since I've been too small to shop in plus-sized stores? *I* don't even remember how long it's been. I've been pretty bummed out that our local Target store no longer has a big girl department so I was just ...confused...as to where to go. So...as I was looking around Target....picking up a cute little Hello Kitty thingie for Sam (who still hasn't seen it cuz we just seem to pass in the night these days) I kind of slinked ...slunk?...to the women's department of Target ...they had jeans...real jeans..with a button and a zipper and everything...and they were a 14! Well, I thought...even if I don't fit into them now, I will soon...so I picked them up and brought them back. No harm in trying them, my pea-brain said....I don't know, answered my heart. The waist looks pretty tiny. So I put one leg in...and then the other...and then up they came...nice and snug on my thighs (it's okay, I've got regular sized thighs..it's just when you get above the thighs that the trouble begins...I'm an apple!) Now...to button...OMG...they buttoned...and zipped! I have *real* jeans ...from the regular department. ME! Okay, so they are a bit long..cuz I'm not. But they fit! They fit me! I was soooo excited...now, if I only had the butt ...but that's another blog altogether!.

So, the next day I decided to face one of my fears and go into Old Navy. I know, it's not like Saks or some huge store, but I don't want to spend a lot of money on clothes I only hope to wear for a few months (til I can get something smaller) Cashiers asked me if they could help me..when all I could imagine them thinking is..."What is *she* doing here? Like we have anything that big?!" I went all the way to the back...the sales racks....not only did they have my 14s, but they had stuff in 16 and 18 and even a few sizes bigger! I got 3 pairs of pants there for the same price I would have gotten 1 pair at Catherine's. I know that you use more material for bigger clothes, but the prices are ....wow...that's all I can say. And then I went to Kohl's..yeah, I think they have a big girl department but you know what? I didn't want to go there. I went to the first rack I walked past and picked up the first jeans I saw. Lol...Gloria Vanderbuilt...all I could think was...I would have killed for them back in junior high...

So, I've got myself a few pairs of pants in my "new" size (although I don't get to wear them yet cuz they are being shortened...as we speak) and it feels wierd. I feel wierd. I know that it's not like I've lost a lot of weight. But I'm also getting smaller clothes. Clothes that flatter my new shape. As Tajuana has pointed out (and Erika too about a year or so ago), I tend to wear big clothes. They are roomy and comfy and I don't have to think about anyone seeing...the rolls (and I'm not talking Royce..roflmao) but with these smaller sizes I've been wearing, I tend to be more self-conscious. My one saving grace is that my chest is still up and out ...lol. Thank goodness for the girls..they make me so proud! Lol...

Anyway, I guess we are getting into the TMI portion of our blog...so going back to my first question....is a fat girl always fat, no matter what her size? Am I destined to always feel like the biggest one in the room? And if I am....is that a bad thing or a good thing?